


Fall From Grace

by EllieMurasaki



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Episode: s03e11 Mystery Spot, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-10-10
Updated: 2009-10-10
Packaged: 2017-10-07 17:11:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/67275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EllieMurasaki/pseuds/EllieMurasaki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Coming home from very lonely places, all of us go a little mad: whether from great personal success, or just an all-night drive, we are the sole survivors of a world no one else has ever seen." —John LeCarre</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fall From Grace

**Author's Note:**

  * For [caffienekitty](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=caffienekitty).



> Title from Asia's "Heat of the Moment" (incidence arose from circumstance).

Sam snaps to attention on waking, exactly as he has every day of his life. It's been a while since he woke from a dream of Jess. Months at least. This was one of the good ones, but it's slipping away. He slides out of bed, stands, tugs the sheets Marine-straight

_Dean_

Dean is still in the next bed. Sam stays motionless for a long minute—don't do this to me, you can't do this to me—and Dean breathes and Sam can breathe, can flop back down on the bed—any place where the only thing Sam can focus on in the morning is make the bed with military precision is too lonely a place for him to want to stay in.

Sam's laptop's on the table. He opens it up and grabs Dad's journal—all the work he put into typing up the damn thing has to be redone now—and pauses, eyes caught by one of the icons on the desktop. Videos. He deleted that folder in a fit of fury and he can't remember why. Cameraphone clips of Dean doing stupid things, probably, nothing he could bear to see when Dean was gone, but he opens the folder and some of the thumbnails show Jess.

He misses Jess.

This clip's from one of the nights they were doing karaoke. Drunk, of course. Jess challenged Becky to sing "Enter Sandman", which Becky botched so horribly Sam's surprised Dean doesn't wake up and reach back through time to throttle her. Of course that made it Jess's turn to sing, and Sam sits frozen as he hears himself suggest a song.

I never meant to be so bad to you  
(Sam give me the axe—)  
One thing I said that I would never do  
(because you're not Bobby)  
A look from you and I would fall from grace  
(c'mon, Sam, just tell me, can't be worse than telling me about Cold Oak, right? C'mon, I need to know—)  
And that would wipe the smile right from my face  
(I'm supposed to wake up. I'm supposed to wake up—)

Sam slams the laptop shut.

"Sam?"

Sam breathes.

Jess loved that song. He'd forgotten.

"Sam, you okay?"

"I'm fine," Sam forces out. (Go ask Alice when she's ten feet tall.)

"You sure?"

The knowledge of how Dean dies is one of the things that kills Dean and no one but Sam has ever seen all of the other things. "Yeah."

Sam watches Dean get up and hears the shower start and barely keeps himself breathing until he can see Dean again, distracting himself by flipping through the journal (he can't face the open laptop just yet).

Hm. Creepy-ass old man playing musical body parts and staying alive from the 1800s to when Dad cut his heart out. That's...not quite creepy as hell. He won't mention it in Dean's hearing.

Not yet. Not till Dean's almost out of time.

Sam can't be the sole survivor. Not again.


End file.
